Addictions

This morning, I found myself in the middle of a text message conversation at work to realize that I may very well be an addict. My poison, however, is not alcohol, it's not any type of drug, its not exercise, and its not eating. I think I am addicted to a person, my ex to be exact. I fell, however, that this addiction is just as dangerous as an addiction to drug or alcohol.

My relationship with BF (as we will refer to him as from here on out) was anything but perfect. Don't get me wrong, we had perfect times here and there, but we also had our shares of lows. We both had our share of issues, I'm mean when I fight, I'm stubborn as hell, I'm picky, kindness is a second resort most of the time in my book and I'm way too competitive. These are all aspects of my personality that I recognize as flaws and am trying to work on, so please don't take what I'm about to say wrong. I know I have my flaws. I know our relationship had its flaws. And I was willing to work through those things... I think BF was willing also. But he had his own issues too. BF is insecure, to the point of craziness. It wasn't just my guy friends that he would get crazy jealous of. That I might be able to understand. BUT, it was also my girlfriends too. And my family. And my job. And cheerleading when we were in college. His insecurities would make him act crazy. He would text people from my phone, delete contacts from my phone, talk down about my friends and family, discourage me, put me down, and even stop me from leaving (including two times when he actually took my keys out of the ignition). In fact, the second time he took my keys, he ran away with them. I decided right then and there, that even if leaving him meant I ended up alone in life, it would be a healthier life for me to live. It was then that I realized, I could never trust him with my kids. It was then that I realized I could not continue this way for the rest of my life. For the first time since the moment I first laid eyes on BF, I looked into my future, but I didn't see him next to me. The emotion that followed was new and strange. I was devastated, but I was also a bit relieved. Relieved that maybe I wouldn't have to walk on egg shells around my significant other ever again. Relieved that I could just be myself. And that would be enough (at least most of the time!!). And that was it. Our relationship was dead.

As the weeks went on, we tried to stay in touch and be friends. I found, however, that when I wasn't talking to him, my life was picking up, strolling in the right direction. But then BAMM! just like that, he would stroll back into my life via text message or facebook, and I would start obsessing again. Truly obsessing. Checking my phone, email and facebook every two minutes, studying his facebook profile, trying to hack into his facebook and email account so that I might find something. I don't what I'm looking for... an email that confesses his love for me so taht we can live happily ever after, or maybe a message confessing his undying love for some other girl, forcing me to get over him immediately. Eventually, after all of this obsessing, I decide that I need to see him. We meet up, start conversing, and just like that, I remember why we broke up. I remember the things about him that I couldn't live with, the things I couldn't ask him to change. And I feel good about myself. I feel reassured. And I'm able to go a few days without thinking much about him. But as soon as I hear from him again... I begin to feel like crap. But I JUST CAN'T STOP. I know its sick. But I can't help it.

And that is where I found myself today, texting him, checking my phone every two minutes, counting the minutes in between our texts, wondering why he's not answering quicker. And when he agrees to meet up soon, my heart flutters. I'm excited to see him either Sunday or Monday. As if its a big to do. But I know, I know know know I'm going to come down from this high, more disappointed and lonely than before. But how do you get help for being addicted to a person?

Keep on Learning

My biggest issue with graduating college and going to work full time is that I don't feel challenged the daily activities required by my job. I feel that I could have performed my necessary duties as a human resources assistant as a high school student. Perhaps I'm giving my young, former self too much credit, but I can't help but truly believe it.

There is no time to learn anything not related to my company, our employees, human resources or recruiting. I am proud to say, though, that I try to keep up with my mind in the evenings. It doesn't always happen (darn, time goes by so quickly), but I sure give an effort. My newest adventure? I'm teaching myself Hungarian. I've wanted to learn it since I read about its various noun tenses in Bite the Wax Tadpole. So, you can imagine my raw excitement when I stumbled upon a "teach yourself Hungarian" book on the Barnes and Noble shelf this weekend - I knew it had to be fate. I figure, if I can be trusted to teach children to perform better in school than I did, in subjects that I have not studied in 5+ years and don't remember, well then I can certainly teach myself a language I know nothing about.

Tonight was my first lesson: pronunciation of the alphabet. This language has 14 vowels and about half dozen consonants that are 2-3 characters in length. It may be too soon to tell, but I'm pretty positive I'm in love already. I just wanted to share my most recent exciting escapade in learning. I'll keep you posted. Until later, happy learning:)

K

Hi everyone!

My name is Karen and I've decided its about time to start one of these wonderful blogs I hear so much about:) To give you a bit of background information I'm an '07 University of Pittsburgh graduate (by the way, congrats to Pitt hoops for their historical win over UConn Monday night!!). Though I have some experience in corporate communications, sales and advertising, I am currently working in the field of human resources. I love my company and the people within it, although HR can be a bit depressing at times. That being said, I'm currently trying to figure out what I want to contribute to this world around me - you'll soon find that there is much more that I want to do than I'll have the time to achieve in this lifetime. As my next step in my quest for the perfect career, I'm planning on heading back to Pitt for their master's in teaching program - I want take part in changing the educational systems around that. I'm not sure how I'll go about reaching that goal yet, but earning my masters as a reading specialist seems to be a logical start (in my mind anyway!).

Education has always been a passion of mine. I have spent my summers and weekends teaching phonics, spelling, reading comprehension, writing and math since I was a senior in high school. It is my hope that with that experience and additional research in topics regarding learning and education that I might stir some attention for an ongoing concern in this country - educating our youth.

I would like to take a look at what's happening in our public schools, the growing number of educational options available and the learning disorders that can hinder a child's progress in school. I consider myself high energy and a bit strange, so I'm sure my postings will be off subject on a consistent basis... I hope you don't mind:).

Please feel free to post comments, questions, concerns and rebuttals to any or all of my posts that may be of interest. I love suggestions and feedback, so please don't hold back! It is my hope to bring light from all sides as we explore such topics. Enjoy and keep on learning:)